these words that I type may never be read by another human, No! I shall not limit myself to say no human, nothing shall read this. As I type I only look at the keyboard and nothing else. From a moment to moment point I only know what is and not what was or shall be. I do have a general asumption that what I type is lead by my sole experieces and how I inturprut them but also I haven't planned this out as this is a free writing session.
Reguarding any puncuation, Grammar or spelling errors I can only know what I type from a moment to moment basis. I might spot a word typed wrong and endevor to remover that error but I only look at the keyboard! So any half thoughts, missplacement of words or subtext is on a moment to moment bassis.
Fuck I looked up. But I carry on for that moment has gone and I continue with what I speak..
This is an exersise in re aquainting myself with sitting infront of a computer to write. For the past several weeks, I have been working on a production where I need to get my ideas across in a very clear and quick medium and I have somewhat have lost that skill, To sit and tyope. For the moment I sit here In my office in Lancaster getting used to typimng again as I have only really used a laptop for work and I want to be able to sit down infront of a computer with the sole intwention to write words.
With that being said, why should I sit down to wqrite with a keyboard? couldn't i only give have thoughts in a text or e-mail. No! with the world moving so fast mone's words need to carry meaning! In conversation my words have a fullness which I chose to use as it engages those with what I have to say. to instant message, everyone needs to be reactive to what is going on in the converstion. To answer questions on a moment to moment basis, These words don't carry weight to them.
(goes for drink)refreshed, I may continue.
The words that spin in my head are clarity. The wod has to be my point that I must pursue...
ok that is aload of bullshit with me trying to get back into this line of thought The real reason why I sit here, going word per word is simple. Action, consiquence. I might have a good idea what I'm going to say but until I sit here and type out these words (the one's you are reading) I don't know what is going to be next! for goodness sake I could throw a panda into the conversation right now! But I won't as that would be silly...
I worry that my words don't have meaning if I uload them to the internet. so the only way I thought I could do it is to keep looking down and never look back and say "oh, that's my old work, I'm working on something super awesome" and then I just keep seeing other people doing stuff that is what I was going to do. The Brian Wilson effect id you will reguarding his magnum opus Smile. But ulitmatly what I have learn't is that it's only copying if I do what I did before! I can do new exciting, embrasing my ideas with the knowledge that it will have been said because I say it with my voice. Or do I?
Because I need to say that me, the me on the on the outside might be a bit odd or strange. But it is all an act! I need to present mysef in the "ordinary" world as somewhat normal, and for the most part I do this very well. but for me to truly be free to do what I need to do, I need to be able to let me be me. It might not match, it might not work BUT! I will be doing whzt I do and that is the best I can do it.
So please don't run away and say Peter is strange. Everyone just needs to get over each other and see what good there is in everyone and accept that I might just be strange. I'm still me and what I do is good! If I worry about what I'm doing and what everyone else is thinking then I'm not going to be me! I'm going to me the restranded me and you will only get part of the experience. I and don't like that!
I do it so then I can be my best. If I don't fit with you then it might just mean we don't fit... But I am willing to be what you want me to be so long as you know that when you want the best I MUST BE ME, TRULY!
Typed between 10:50pm to 10:43pm, 13-6-10 by Peter Adams